The 6 Stages of Grief: Understanding and Healing After Loss

Grief doesn’t follow a script. Whether you’re mourning the death of a loved one, facing the end of a relationship, or coping with any significant loss, the emotional journey can be overwhelming. The 6 stages of grief, developed by David Kessler and based on the foundational work of Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, offer a compassionate framework to help us make sense of what we’re feeling.

These stages are not meant to be followed in order. Grief is not linear. Instead, these stages represent common emotional experiences that can surface at any time during the healing process. Understanding them can help us navigate loss with greater awareness and self-compassion.

What Are the 6 Stages of Grief?

The original five stages of grief were introduced by psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in her 1969 book On Death and Dying. David Kessler, her longtime collaborator, later introduced a sixth stage: meaning. This stage emphasizes our ability to find purpose and connection after loss.

Here are the six stages:

1. Denial

2. Anger

3. Bargaining

4. Depression

5. Acceptance

6. Finding Meaning

Let’s explore each one.

1. Denial

Denial is often the mind’s first response to overwhelming loss. It helps us survive those initial days or weeks when the full weight of grief is simply too much to bear. You might feel numb, in shock, or like you’re living in a dream.

This stage is not about pretending the loss didn’t happen. It’s about allowing your mind and heart to catch up to your new reality. Denial gives you time and space to process the pain gradually, rather than all at once.

2. Anger

As denial fades, anger often emerges. You may direct this anger at doctors, the universe, loved ones, or even the person who has passed away. It’s common to feel resentful, frustrated, or ask, “Why me?”

Anger is a natural part of healing. It gives structure to your grief and may provide temporary energy or focus during a time of emotional chaos. Allowing yourself to feel anger without judgment is essential to moving through it.

3. Bargaining

Bargaining involves replaying events in your mind and wondering what you could have done differently. Thoughts like “If only I had called sooner” or “What if I had done more” are common. This stage can also include bargaining with a higher power in hopes of reversing the loss.

This process reflects a deep desire to regain control and avoid the pain of what has happened. Recognizing bargaining for what it is, a way to process helplessness, can help you release unrealistic expectations of yourself.

4. Depression

Depression in grief is not a sign of mental illness, but rather a natural and expected reaction to deep loss. It may show up as sadness, fatigue, withdrawal, or a loss of interest in daily life. These symptoms often mirror those seen in clinical depression and may resemble the recognized stages of depression, which include denial, anger, bargaining, despair, and acceptance.

This stage invites you to fully feel the absence of what was lost. It is often the point at which the permanence of the loss becomes real. Support from loved ones or a grief counselor can be crucial during this time, especially when symptoms begin to overlap with those found in major depressive disorder or persistent depressive disorder.

5. Acceptance

Acceptance is not about being “okay” with what happened. It’s about acknowledging the reality of the loss and learning how to live with it. You may begin to re-engage with life, establish new routines, and find small moments of peace.

This stage doesn’t mean the pain is gone. Instead, it means you are starting to adapt to your new reality and make space for grief and healing to coexist.

6. Finding Meaning

David Kessler introduced this sixth stage to help us shift from suffering to growth. Finding meaning doesn’t minimize the pain, but it allows us to honor our loss by making sense of it in the context of our lives.

You might find meaning through helping others, creating something in your loved one’s memory, deepening relationships, or re-evaluating what matters most to you. This stage reflects the human capacity for resilience, hope, and connection.

How to Cope with Grief

Grief looks different for everyone, but there are healthy ways to support yourself through the process:

• Feel your emotions: Suppressing grief can prolong it. Allow yourself to cry, talk, or write about what you feel.

• Establish rituals: Create personal or shared rituals to honor your loved one, such as lighting a candle, journaling, or visiting a special place.

• Lean on others: Whether it’s family, friends, or a support group, connection can ease isolation and offer comfort.

• Practice self-care: Sleep, nutrition, and exercise may feel unimportant, but they are vital to emotional resilience.

• Seek professional help: Therapists who specialize in grief can provide valuable tools and support when the pain feels overwhelming.

Supporting Someone Who Is Grieving

If someone you care about is grieving, your presence and empathy matter more than perfect words. Here’s how to help:

• Be present: Offer your time, whether it’s a listening ear or simply sitting in silence together.

• Avoid cliches: Phrases like “Everything happens for a reason” can feel dismissive. Instead, try “I’m here for you” or “I’m so sorry for your loss.”

• Offer practical help: Cook a meal, run errands, or help with daily tasks. Small acts of care can make a big impact.

• Respect their timeline: Grief has no deadline. Let your loved one move through it at their own pace.

• Encourage support: Gently suggest grief counseling or therapy, and offer to help them find the right provider.

Honoring Grief and Moving Forward

Grief is a profound part of the human experience. While it may never fully go away, it can become something you learn to carry with strength and compassion.

At Therapy Unlocked, we understand the depth of grief and the courage it takes to seek support. Our licensed therapists provide personalized grief counseling to help you process loss, find healing, and move toward a life with meaning.

You don’t have to go through this alone. Schedule a session today and take the first step toward healing.